Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I still feel terrible thinking about the moment…. Day started with a bad note when I was searching for the keys of my car and got too late for a meeting…. Day proceeded with rushing for the other meetings….
After doing 2 meetings in 2 hours I had to reach for the 3rd one which absolutely out of the way…. I rushed and almost managed to reach the place 5 minutes before time… Since, it was not my meeting and I was almost on time I parked my car in “No Parking” area and rushed for the meeting.
I quickly finished the meeting in 15 minutes and when came back.. my car was not there…. For a second, I felt I have lost it forever… It was a terrible feeling… I asked everybody standing around and got to know that it was towed away….
I took an auto and reached the place… It felt like I have lost something I am totally in love with… My car was standing outside the police station and three old men were sitting there…. They were so called policemen… I went there and shouted at them…. I tried to be normal but I was not able to…. How the hell they touched my CAR without my consent…. I felt like slapping them then and there…. But then I controlled I was dying to drive my car again… I just paid the money and took my car….
For some time... I stopped my car in between and felt like crying but then I had a very bad headache and I decided to run away to some place far away and wanted to spend some time in isolation…. So, I went to Noida and tried to sleep.. After trying hard for two hours I finally fell asleep and ended my bad day….
Yesterday was a day I was actually waiting for… Something good was planned for the evening… but then I cancelled everything…. I needed that isolation therapy…. I know I am mean at times…. But, I was in a bad form….
I am surely in love with my car…. And it was scary like hell to even imagine yesterday’s moment….. I would rather…. Anyways…. Chuck it…
My heart stopped beating for few seconds…. And I reacted badly… I know…. But it was out of my control…….
God!! Hope you are listening to me!!… Don’t give me such heart attack again…. Pheww!!... Love you…. :) :)
Saturday, October 30, 2010
My career related dilemmas, my birthday, my close friend’s personal issues, my cousin’s & friend’s wedding’s preparation, parties…. And lot more…
In between, I have also organized and attended a photography event which was an amazing experience… :-) :-)
Life randomly changed quite a bit in past sometime…. Some realizations… learnings…. And so many things… I guess I am running short of words….
Unexpected as always….. Few things never planned happened.. Few faces never imagined seen… few moments never thought cherished….
I never thought I’ll start liking my job… :P…. No.. seriously… I guess I have started liking my job… I simply thought of leaving it at one point of time & even resigned… Of course attachment is something always happens whether you want it or not… I was so attached to my office even after my internship where I spent just 3 months & here it’s now more than 8 months…… Or may be it’s just the magic of winters…. I fall in love with everything around when its winters :D… :D
I am scared…. Because I know I can’t love this work & honestly at times I hate it with the same intensity.… this is not my future & destiny….. I have my future plans & they are different…. But somehow I know till the time I am here… I'll do it with all my interest & love…. ;-)
Now, not going into the details of my love for my job & career… There is one more thing I wanted to share but then I guess it’s too early to disclose anything….. Anyhow, that’s also something good *wink wink*
One more interesting thing happened recently… I got a chance to go inside the parliament house & meet some big people…. I must say… It was an amazing experience… I loved the place…. So calm & serene… Just mind blowing…. & people there were damn good…. Too welcoming…. Too good… I spend around 6 hours there in 2 days…. And I met around 8 people individually and spent quality time with each of them… It was an experience that influenced me….. And I know it’ll certainly help me… You know I never share anything just like that…. ;-)
I am now not in a mood to arrange the words I just jotted down… I guess it was more like writing a diary… I guess I am falling in love with everything around me…. I guess I am in love…. In love with me…. My life… Winters…! I am blushing ;-) :-))
Love you God…. Thanks for everything…. Muaah.. :D
Sunday, September 12, 2010
"Thinking hard about life How it changed from a maverick college life to strict professional life…...
How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks but then why it gives less happiness….
How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe but then why there are less accasions to use them
How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger But then why there is less hunger…..
Here I am sitting in my office at night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…..
How a bike always in reserve changed to a car always on but then why there are less places to go on……
How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day but then why it feels like shop is far away…..
How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package but then why there are less calls & more messages……
Here I am sitting in my office at night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…..
How a general class journey changed to Flight journey But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment….
How an old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop but then why there is less time to put it on……….
And last But the Most Important…..
How a small bunch of friends changed to colleageus But then why we always feel lonely & miss those college friends.….
Here I am sitting in my office at night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…..
How it changed……."
Is it known as being successful??
Thanks Vinee for sending me this beautiful poem..
Monday, August 16, 2010
Yesterday on 15th August I completed 6 months in my current job… And today I took a day off from work.. I need to analyze…. What I have learnt…. What has happened in these 6 months…. My decisions…. My experience…. Level of satisfaction….. After devoting six months at least I deserve to understand what all is happening…. What can be my future….. And How I can shape my coming life in a better way…
Our first job not necessary makes us realize what we really wanna do in future…. But it does make us realize what we don’t wanna do in coming time…..
In the morning I was not feeling very good…. I decided to stay back and give myself a day to rethink on what I am doing…. So here I am starting my day with something I really love to do….. BLOGGING!
Let me start with the analysis…. Similar to SWOT, I’ll do PNWW of my job….. i.e., Positive-Negative-Why should I continue-Why I shouldn’t… And I’ll try to analyze the positive aspects of my work….. Negative ones…. What I am learning today and what are the opportunities here for me in coming time…..
- I am improving my driving skills since I drive for 5-6 hours daily
- I am developing patience by handling all sort of clients
- I am learning how to be a machine and give constant numbers daily… and faults are not acceptable :P
- I am learning how tough life can be even after trying so hard to make it good and comfortable by dedicating all your life studying and spending hard earned money of your parents….
- I have met altogether a different set of people who are well adjusted in such scenario from past 4-5 years….. May be the time when they joined the organization conditions were not that bad… And it’s really interesting to study them… I call them “A machine with a brain”….
- I have realized how badly I loved my internship and my subject ‘Anthropology’….
- I am learning the role of HR as well by analyzing what is required on their part and what they are doing… ( I have done a SWOT analysis n them as well )
- I am learning a lot in every sense by observing a very different side of humans….
- Although being very honest, here I have met few real good people whom I admire a lot…. In terms of their PR skills, perfection in communication, dedication, diplomacy, team management skills…. It’s truly worth appreciating.
- I wanna be an entrepreneur and these learnings are teaching me what not to do in my own business.
- Ummm…. Aaa…. Hmmm….. I guess every negative thing is also learning….. So that ways I can say…. It’s good for me as I am learning from it…. So more or less it’s again positive! No regrets honestly! :D
Why should I continue?
- To learn more about this different class of people
- To become a thick skinned human ( I can’t be a machine & thats for sure)
- To gain work experience (although there is no point in gaining something you can’t use)
- To earn money unless I get a job I really wanna do.(One reason of not switching my job is I don’t wanna go in another similar kinda job which will again give me dissatisfaction and frustration.)
Why I shouldn’t continue?
- No time for myself, family & friends
- No time for gym & blog, no weekends
- No personal satisfaction
- No personal growth
- No dignity… huh
Although whatever I earn I spend on my installments and my car :P…. So anyhow I am only able to pay my installments of education loan from my salary and nothing else… :P
I still remember the day when I gave my interview for the job… I was so excited….. So positive and full of enthusiasm and I was pretty sure I’ll do it for at least 2 years….. Learning is a gradual process….. And then I’ll start with my business….. And now how things have changed….. I really wish I could do something good for the company… I always treated it as my own.. but it never treated employees as its own…. Anyhow you can’t change the world….
I just want myself back….. As someone told me I should always smile….. As our smile is reason for many others to smile….. :D
And I believe one should never give up…. No matter how difficult the situation may be…… tough times reveal the real you….. And if things are not the way you want them to be…. It’s time to fight back!
I guess zyada ho gaya…. He he he…. But I am feeling happy…… :D
Love you God….. I know you are there for me! Mwuaah :)))
Saturday, July 3, 2010
I wanted to write so much that I was confused about the title of my post… I have started driving recently…. And I am in love…. Yea… I am too possessive about my car and truly in love with it….. I usually drive about 80-100 kms daily which is bit tiring….. but I feel blissful unless I am struck in a traffic jam…. :)….. he he….. It really feels great….. it feels like living a cartoon movie life….. Where I go on an adventure daily…. Search new routes and reach my destination….. Just like a treasure hunt episode….. :P…. I remember once I lost my way…. And reached a no man’s land….. No humans….. no trees…. No buildings….. just a piece of an empty land….. I was feeling hungry so I decided to have my lunch there….. I stopped my car there and had my food… Amazing date with my car :P….. I almost every second day go on such adventures…. :D…. but that was worth remembering…..
Apart from my driving adventures….. I keep on meeting new people daily….. Some good some not so good…. My office people are experienced, mature and self indulged….. Unlike me! of course I am self indulged but not experienced nor mature ;)
I am trying my level best to start with my work out routine again….. But my job is not allowing me to do so….. but I guess I’ll find out a solution for this…….
There are so many things I need to change… I really wish I could mention here but I can’t….. Let’s see….. Work is in progress….. I am waiting with my fingers crossed…. I’ll try to write more often….. :)…. This is something I always love to do….. :D
Will come up soon with the updates….. :D
Thank you God for being there for me…. Just take care of my loved ones…. Love ya…. Muaah… :D
Saturday, May 29, 2010
People might be happy living such life…. But I am not nor I wanna get used to it…. I can’t even abuse here huh… I have not seen such people in my life…. Hell man! So mean…. Forget about friendship they don’t even know the meaning of being human….. Their every act… every step is selfish….. This is not my world and I am dead sure! I know myself I can do much better things in life… I gave myself time and now I have realized….
I was so much happy being a student…. Dunno why I am here….. This is not something I wanted….. I can feel the suffocation inside… From past 3 days when I leave my office for home I feel like crying… I carry so much of hurt inside.... Something badly wounded.... As if my soul is tapped in a prison crying and craving for freedom…. I feel like am in a world of machines where everybody is just doing programmed things without any sense of emotion…. May be I am not liking anything nor I can cope up with it… that’s why its making me so negative….. I am workaholic….. I can do well in life… dunno why I am wasting myself….. the worst part is…. Hell yaar! I don’t wanna mention here…. Huh…. My blog is now more towards negativity…. Spiderman I & II are over its time for Spiderman III now…. Darkness all over my mind…. Driving me crazy…
I am angry with you God! Believe me I never expected this from you… If you are punishing me for my sins then I guess you should stop now its already too much!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Rule#1- There are no friends at work place
Rule#2- There are no friends at workplace
Rule#3- Again there are no friends at workplace
Never forget these lines and all the best!
I agreed to him…. And started with my office….. Of course there are many things we need to learn practically no matter how many times we read them….. And we truly learn them after we fall down….
And my recent learning was to recall all these 3 important rules….… Of course I am a human being its not a sin if I trust people and try to help them out by thinking that they might not be so bad and cruel….. by thinking that they are so like me…. New to this world of professionalism….. quite innocent to play dirty politics…. And I was wrong… I was not shocked but I was upset….. I was not shocked coz I’ve heard that it will happen…. I was upset coz I never thought this will actually happen….
I have friends with work experience who share their professional life and politics in office…. And I never thought someday I’ll face it so practically…..
I am confused….. Whether to fight with God or to say thanks for teaching me this lesson…. People do bad things play dirty games…. But it hurts when someone you trusted does the same…
By the way….. Thank you God…. It was a good learning… I’ll safeguard myself from the next time…..
And one more thing God…. Why don’t you spare me from teaching at least one negative thing… why I need to learn all these painful things practically huh….
Anyhow! I love you… And thanks for being there for me…. I am glad at least you are there for me….. Please protect me from being bad(I mean more bad than what I am already ;))…. And give me power and patience to deal with such things around me….
Thank you…. Muah :) :)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I planned my Sunday last night… And the whole plan was to do whatever I feel like… So I watched a movie till late last night… got up late…. Prepared a cup of black coffee and switched on to my favorite Disney movie… This Sunday it was ‘Meet the Robinsons’…. Ohh… I am lacking words to express how good I felt after watching it…. It’s silly to say but I cried in the end with a smile on my lips… That feeling was so good and contented… I am almost feeling rejuvenated….
I was missing the time when I used to watch Disney for hours….. Anyhow life changes with time…. My week wasn’t good at all… Had nothing much to do in office and I simply hated it… All the time doing stupid sitting work staring into the system…. huh… And all the time I was thinking where I am…. This was not what I wanted from life…. What can be done to make it the way I want it to be… and so on…. Mind was full of weird stuff all the time…. Involved in deep philosophy….. I would rather think of something creative and interesting….. I got only this one life…. I don’t wanna waste it…. Don’t wanna waste a single second of it and I wasted a week…. :((
I dunno….. why… :((….. I am trying to analyze and figure out what’s going missing…. What can be done…. I guess I should try some meditation… May be it’s all because I am impatient to the core…. Or should I join some weekend activity or something…… Or or… what else :(( even if I meet my friends it’s for sometime…. After that good time I again start thinking the same…. Aww…. Its not a good sign…. :((
I dunno about coming days…. But am lacking positivity from within…… I am not like this…. I just pray for good….
God please make things happen…. Please :( ….. Your favorite is not feeling good with the things around…
Love ya… Help me! And no smile for ya this time :(
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I just realized that I didn’t write anything after I started with my work…. So I thought of jotting it down today :-)
People say it’s boring when you start with your work life…. I don’t agree with them… It’s all fun for me…. Back office sitting job might be boring but mine is not back office one… yes I feel irritated when I am required to sit on one seat for more than 30-40mins…
The work culture here is good… good people…. Work is exciting…. And I have professionally hosted an event for the first time not for my office though… Which I’ll be continuing in future as well.. :D
Life is being crazy… life is being good…. Yes, low moments and high moments are there but that’s all acceptable and usual part of life… :-)
I dunno why everybody around me suggesting me to leave this job… other than my office people… :-( they say ‘sales job’ is difficult…. But thats not true… Yea initial efforts are required to settled down and make your own space but after that it’s not something very tough… Other thing is what you offering to people….
Rest is up to God…. Dunno what future is holding for me….
For now all is WELL…. With bit of disappointments, lots of excitement, loads of smiles, fun…. But I still feel something is missing… I dunno what…. Anyways…. Life is good… Life is beautiful…
Thank you God…. Please be by my side…. Always…. Love you.. :D
Saturday, February 13, 2010
***When your heart breaks, the pain is almost physical. I felt as if someone had driven a sharp knife into my heart, stabbing my soul. I was speechless; I could not believe that this was actually happening.
"Sameera... are you there?"
"Hmm.. ya.." I stammered into my cellphone.
It was my love, Varun at the other end of the line. He had just told me that we were no longer a couple, that we never were one.
"But I love you so much, Varun"
"I too love you sweetheart" He said pausing, "But only as a friend"
A part of me wanted to hang up immediately. He sensed it and told me not to.
"See dear," He continued, "It was never really a relationship. It was just a joke"
"Just a joke?" I asked tearfully.
"Ya... But you took it seriously. You are such a kid!!" He started laughing.
"I will call you tomorrow" He said before hanging up.
"No need to" I replied, switching off my phone.
I started shivering uncontrollably, even though it was a warm evening. I leaned against a wall for support. I was shattered to say the least. It’s all over, I told myself. Everything is finished.
I wondered how he could do this to me. This was the same guy who had once supported me through a very difficult phase in life. The same guy who went out of his way to make things easier for me. The same one who used to tell me how much he loved me and what I meant to him. And now, he had dumped me like a piece of garbage. I shut my eyes tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the tears from flowing. It still felt too horrible to be true.
All the moments we had once shared came back to me. The time when we had been classmates in school, and I had fallen in love with this cute, funny and helpful guy without myself knowing it. The emptiness I felt when he left the school and I lost contact with him. The excitement of searching for him years later, and finding him, thanks to the internet. I was not looking for a relationship or even a friendship when we met again. I was glad just to be in touch after all those years. But he had other thoughts. He initiated a friendship which was growing deep when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
" I love you so much, you can never know what you mean to me. Don't ever leave me, Sam."
I promised I never would. At that time, I believed that he was the love of my life and that our relationship would last forever.
I was wrong. The break up was inevitable and I should have seen it coming. Lately he had not been the same person I had once fallen in love with. He had changed a lot over time, but I had been forcing myself to believe that he was still the same. I suddenly realized something; It was not Varun I had been in love with, it was what I thought he was. I had been in love with an illusion, which was broken now.
I don't remember for how long I cried, the tears just would not stop. So many things came to mind all at once. Why did I ever let him manipulate my feelings? Why did I trust him so blindly? Why did I give him so much power that he could hurt me so badly? There had been a time when I used to give in to his emotional blackmail, patiently tolerated his mood swings and put up with his indifferent behavior. I had been too madly in love with him that I wanted to be there for him whenever he needed me. Even if it meant getting hurt myself. Not all was bad in our relationship, though the tears greatly outnumbered the smiles.
Gradually, I composed myself. This relationship based on compromise would not have lasted long anyhow. However, it still hurt badly. Even if the love had been an illusion, the heartbreak was real. You can never love someone who does not deserve it, but you can get addicted. And I was badly addicted to him. My mornings began with his thoughts, he occupied my mind throughout the day, and he was the one I prayed for before going to sleep. His voice echoed in my ears all day long, and it was him before my eyes even when he was not there. In pursuing him, I had lost myself. That’s why I was feeling so lifeless when he left me. I had no life of my own!
Now it was time I started regaining it. Since he was no longer in my life, I had ample time to pursue my hobbies. I got a bundle of books I had been planning to read for long, grabbed my camera and clicked loads of pictures. I spent more time in the company of my friends. Getting over a past relationship is like overcoming an addiction, you need to keep yourself so busy that you don't go back to your old ways. Immediately after a break up, the yearning for your Ex becomes stronger. It is similar to the craving a smoker or an alcoholic would have for his vice, knowing very well how harmful it could be. I wanted to move on, but Varun still wanted to be friends. He charmed me back to his company in spite of my best efforts to avoid him. This so-called friendship hurt even more than getting dumped. Unable to take anymore, I finally told him one last time, to get out of my life. He never tried to contact me after that.
What had once been innocent love ended in such a bitter way? I wish we could have parted more amicably. But it’s no use regretting over something that cannot be changed. Sometimes life teaches you lessons in such a painful way that you can never forget. With time the wounds heal and the hatred fades away. All that remains are the bitter-sweet memories of a distant past. And you are a wiser person when you fall in love again. ***
This story touched me…. Although it’s not written by me as usual am bad at writing stories :P…. Its written by my writer friend Natesha…. So I would like to thank her for writing such a beautiful story for me… :D
This thing happens with many people and something very hard to get over…. But that’s life…. Experience and Learning…. Learn and move on….
So, be wise and fall in love again this V-Day!
And if you are already lucky then wish you a great future ahead…..
Happy Valentine’s day… Have fun :D….
Saturday, January 30, 2010
In my last 2 years of MBA I met many people…. I was attached to many…. And worked and enjoyed with everybody I came across…. I discovered a different me…. More self centered, bad and self indulged me… And I improved as well in terms of public speaking, anchoring, organizing and so on…
All I can now recall is that first presentation when I was shivering with stage fear…. That first interview for organizing committee… those events we organized and clubs inaugurated… first event I hosted…..those proxies… talks….. Hanging out at shopprix and spice mall every now and then….. bunking classes…. Rehearsals… Practices….Improvements… Exams…. And so on…. Life was always fun and exciting here….
I have learnt very good problem handling skills and stress management….. How to meet deadlines ;)… by completing a week long assignment overnight… All those group tasks which compelled us to stay up all night with our gtalk on…. All those frequent semester exams….
These two years of my life were really good… I know what I have learnt….. I can sense the changes in me… I met some really great people…. I would not name all of them here but yes my marketing professor late. Professor S.K. Jaimini had a great impact on me…. I still miss his presence every time I achieve something…. :-(
My internship was like a turning point which gave me a very good exposure and learning experience and I really appreciate my boss who was not just a boss but also a strict teacher who taught us practical management lessons….
Apart from these two people….. I met many who contributed to my life in one or the other way…. I was encouraged, appreciated, criticized and discouraged time to time…. But it always added towards my learning and helped me to learn and become better with every step…
I would love to mention the names of people who were always there for me… whether we talk daily or not and those who were always there for me as a life supporting system…. But I’ll not because I don’t wanna hurt anybody my skipping their name by mistake….. :D…. those who are special for me know this and understand this….
Everybody expects from their family because they are the people sent by God for us…. It’s very difficult to find people outside family from whom you can expect…. And I am one lucky person…. I met such people at every step of my life….. :-) :-)
I feel that I am kinda detached soul…. But still I miss people from my past…. Places… time… memories… tears and smiles…. I can relate to everything I left behind…. And touchwood I feel blessed because whenever I look back I find my people standing there for me… :-)
Now, I am going to start with my professional life… I just wish all my friends and acquaintances all the best for their future endeavors… I hope to stay connected with you all…. God Bless you….
And thank you God! Muaah :D..
Friday, January 15, 2010
I am happy because am placed and placed after going through 4 rounds….. Though I won’t stop looking for a better job…. I am happy because I grabbed something from campus…. :)….
Well…. Deepika is financially independent now…. And joining is from February 15, 2010.. Soon after exams… :)
Deepika wanna thank God for this… Now, I can give exams without stress…. Love you God! Thank you :D
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Anyways…. I am way too optimistic… I know I’ll get something good…. This New Year started with lots of new things in my life…. Few are good few are not…. One good thing is I am with my family…. And bad is m missing Delhi since we all have shifted to noida for next one year :((…. I am missing Delhi miserably…. I am yet not feeling big difference since am spending most of my time in Delhi only even after shifting here…. But it won’t be possible once I’ll start going to college…. One last month was really good….. Cold Delhi evenings when I hardly used to stay at home….. So many things to do…. So many places to go…. Delhi truly rocks…. And by Delhi I mean South Delhi :P…
Another good thing is I am back on my blog…. In Delhi, I rarely used to stay at home or spend time online…. But here I have nothing much to do…. So, I would rather write here than wasting time playing games… usually I just think I’ll write this or that but then so many things to do…. So many places to go… :) :)
Let’s see… what more is there to explore in this new year…I know I am bit late but a Very Happy New Year 2010 to everyone….. Wishing you all a great year ahead with all happiness and success in life… Cheers! :D
Thank you God for a wonderful 2009… I just wish my 2010 to be wonderful in the same manner…with new learnings and good earnings ;) :D…. Love you for everything you gave me and everything you are going to give me… *wink wink* :D
Will be back soon…. With more happenings…. :)